When OCD Gets Loud

One of my biggest fears is contamination and the fear of germs. Often, these fears are heightened becasue I can't see things clearly and my mind begins to spiral. My head fills with racing thoughts; such as "what if..." and worst- case scenarios. Sometimes, anxiety strikes suddenly in a moment of uncertainty and sheer panic sets in. My heart races, my palms sweat, and intrusive tohughts flood my mind. Before I know it, I can feel frozen convienced I'm contaminated and desperae for relief, I turn to compulsions like washing my hands repeatedly. With every wash, I gain a second of relief, but it's only temporary.

I consider my shower my safe space; however, life doesn't always allow for these comforts. There are times I am far ftrom home and have to face anxiety without my safety net. In these moments, the anixety feels overwhelming, yet I can choose to not ler OCD win entirely. I don't have to give into every compulsion. Sometimes, I am able to sit with the duscomfort and ride out the anxiety wave. And, though it may feel like hours of my mind screaming at me "remindig ne on repeat I'm nott "clean enough," but time eventually passes and the noise quiets. Each time that I practice resisting compulsions I am reminded that that calm will come without rituals.

Living with OCD is like a constant tug- of- war inisde my brain as some days the intrusive noise is faint while other days the OCD noise is deafening. Still, I'm lerning that I can choose values over compulsions and I can ride the wave instead of always drownig in it. OCD mighht be loud; however, it does not get the final word.