OCD? No, OC-Free!

OCD is not easy to live with, and recovery is not linear. This year, I've worked really hard on my recovery. Even looking back at where I was just two or three months ago, the difference between then and now is night and day. Today, I went to the bathroom, which is one of my biggest OCD triggers, and right now I feel contaminated. But instead of running straight to the shower, I hopped on my recumbent bike, put on some music, and started writing this blog. A few months ago, I would have immediately run to my shower. Today, I'm able to sit with the anxiety, distract myself, and delay taking a shower. Of course, I'll shower at some point today, but it doesn't have to be right now. And that's the biggest difference. Exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy has been a huge part of my recovery. And ERP sucks in the moment, but it works! For me, the hardest part isn't necessarily the exposure itself, but rather the response prevention. So, what exactly is ERP? For me, it's purposely doing something that makes me feel contaminated or even “cross-contaminating” other things, and then resisting the urge to run straight to the shower, immediately wash my hands, or clean whatever OCD tells me is contaminated. Recently, I've seen big changes in my recovery, including diving headfirst into ERP. For example, I've been working on using less soap in the shower. I recently switched from giant bottles to regular 12-ounce bottles, and that simple change has made a big difference. Even though OCD still wants me to keep lathering up, I'm getting better at resisting those urges. And just a couple of weeks ago, I ditched all my disinfectant spray! My therapist and I went to the store for an exposure, and I walked down the Lysol aisle, picked up several bottles, and put them in my basket. But instead of buying them, I made the choice to leave the Lysol behind—it was empowering! Looking back at how far I've come, I'm incredibly proud that I'm no longer living a life dictated by OCD. I love staying busy, and I've found that the busier my life is, the less room OCD has to interfere. Shoutout to NBI for helping me get to an OCFree place back in 2019 and to Panacea Therapy for helping me continue to make strides in my recovery. Recovery hasn't been easy, and I know there will still be difficult moments, but I can see just how far I've come. No matter how hard it tries, OCD does not get to dictate our lives. We are stronger than OCD.