From Foe to Friend: My White Cane

It all started in the summer of 2013, when a tug-of-war began between needing a white cane and not being ready to accept it. I had just graduated high school and been accepted to Oklahoma State University- my biggest dream coming true, but before I could punch my ticket to campus, there was one requirement: , I needed to learn how to use a white cane.

That summer, I worked with an orientation and mobility coach who taught me how to use a white cane. I memorized campus routes, counted steps, learned landmarks, and repeated the same paths until I could navigate Oklahoma State on my own.

I had the skills, but I wasn’t ready to be seen using it. So… when I got to campus, I ditched the cane.  I wanted to blend in, not stand out and using a cane felt like announcing something about myself I wasn’t ready to accept. I was terrified of being judged and ashamed of my disability; I did not want to be noticed.I faked it, BS’ing my way around campus—because being seen felt scarier than being unsafe.

I would rather look visibly lost, walk into wet cement, or even risk getting hurt than use the one tool that could actually help me. That fear didn’t come out of nowhere, it came  from years of bullying and teasing in school which taught me that standing out was dangerous. Instead of embracing my blindness, I let fear rule my choices. I convinced myself that hiding was safer than being seen.

A major shift began when I sought treatment for OCD of accepting my blindness for what it was- it took weeks of extremely difficult work, but eventually, I came around to using my cane. Once I began using it, I quickly realized many of my fears had never been real as people were kind like holding doors for me and instead of judgment, I was met with understanding. For years, holding onto my mom or dad felt like a security blanket, but my cane gave me freedom.

What was once my worst enemy is now my best friend; my sidekick, my eyes. And what began as resentment has turned into acceptance and eventually, love. My cane is no longer something I hide, it’s something I’ve embraced. It’s become part of me- even a fashion accessory that gives me confidence and independence. Today, I see my cane as more than just a tool… It’s freedom!