Behind The Scenes of OCD Treatment

OCD is not just being anxious or liking things clean, it is a battle. OCD is loud, exhausting, and can feel never-ending. Though they might seem irrational, the fears are real.  I’ diving into OCD advocacy and I want others to have the scoop on what ERP really is- the blood, sweat, and tears of fighting OCD. ERP stands for exposure and response prevention, the backbone of OCD therapy. In the moment ERP sucks, although it truly works.

My journey of battling OCD has been far from perfect; in fact, it’s been full of ups and downs. To be honest, I still struggle with OCD. However, this video is a reminder of how far I’ve come and what all I’m capable of overcoming. Watching this video encourages me to keep up the fight.

To those going through your own mental health journey, know you are not alone.

What ERP looked like for me:

This video is a collection of real-life exposure therapy moments from my time in OCD treatment. It shows the behind-the-scenes parts that most people never see. My biggest fear was numerous contamination fears shown in real time within my treatment video. Exposures, for example, include walking barefoot in a bathroom, and even lying next to a toilet. In the moment, these exposures felt impossible because the fear is so real and you’re on purpose facing fear head on.  Exposures went far beyond “being uncomfortable.”

Before treatment, OCD had an intense hold on my daily life. I missed meals and even medication at times because I felt trapped in rituals and fear. I was terrified of contamination so much so that I couldn’t even be in the same room as raw meat being prepared. Bathrooms felt overwhelming, and I used to take compulsive showers and repeat cleaning behaviors to feel “safe.” ERP taught me how to face those fears without feeding OCD. Over time, I went from being unable to tolerate raw meat and raw eggs to being able to cook a full meal from start to finish with a normal amount of handwashing. I went from obsessive cleaning and showering multiple times a day to a life where those urges no longer control me. And just as importantly, ERP helped me take back my independence- accepting my vision loss and choosing to use my cane with confidence, even when I feared being judged.

For me, treatment was showing up terrified and doing anyways.

Though many exposures were related to contamination, one of the most challenging exposures wasn’t contamination, it was acceptance of my vision loss. Nonetheless, nearly every exposure was very hard. The extreme challenges came with reward though. For example, cane exposures were terrifying, but on the other side of that was newfound freedom and confidence. With my cane there were numerous fears like an aspect of contamination, although greater fears included fear of being judged, fear of being seen, and fear of accepting my blindness. Once scared to even touch my cane or let anybody know I was vision impaired; by the end of treatment, I was teaching my therapists how to navigate my world using my cane.

This wasn’t just therapy- it was empowerment! Slowly, yet surely, I started taking life back from OCD.